Of Adoption And Surrogacy

C H U R C H   R E F O R M   S E R I E S

By Biblicism Institute

Adoption and Surrogacy in the bible are very scarce, so scarce in fact that there are no stipulated laws about them. They’re always choices made by biblical figures who were either desperate or had to help those in despair.

And desperation is not a way of life God wants us to rely on because it is the loss of hope, a debilitating state whereby we take our eyes off God Himself, the God of hope.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13

ADOPTION

Adoption is a noble and sacrificial deed that many people choose to make. However, it has become so prevalent in this modern world that we feel obligated to broach the subject.

Crying Boy

Crying Boy

Though there are instances where adoption is a necessity or even a selfless act by those who undertake it, it is however something we must work hard to relegate to the smallest and infinitesimal quotient, as opposed to the brisk business it has become today, especially given the way many adoptions are currently being processed.

In a perfect world, every child would be brought up by their real parents. In fact, it is the way that God Himself intended it from the very beginning.

“For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice…” Genesis 18:9

However, there are harsh circumstances that push people to either adopt or give up their children. And by harsh we mean harsh.

Let’s check these biblical circumstances.

Moses rescued from the Nile

Moses rescued from the Nile

Moses had to be given up, otherwise he would have been slaughtered. Yet, her mother, under a false identity, was the one who ended up taking care of him anyway. Therefore family was involved in his upbringing. But when Moses realized he was adopted by the Egyptians, it did not turn out good for them.

Esther is the only other biblical figure who was adopted, but she was not a baby when Mordecai took her in, and he only did so because her parents had died. Thus, Mordecai, a cousin, a family member, was the one who took care of her. Still, she never called him “daddy,” even though she afforded him the respect due a parent.

“He was bringing up Hadassah, that is Esther, the daughter of his uncle, for she had neither father nor mother. The young woman had a beautiful figure and was lovely to look at, and when her father and her mother died, Mordecai took her as his own daughter.” Esther 2:7

Consequently, the bible shows us only one reason why “breathing” parents should permanently give up their children for others to care for – if they’re about to be slaughtered.

And the only example the bible gives us as a reason for anyone to adopt a child as one’s own is if that child is family and his parents have passed away (i.e., the child is an orphan). Accordingly, that child knows that those who adopt him are not his “parents,” though he still gives them the same respect as if they were. In other words, the adopted child knows the truth from the get go.

Adopting an orphan is the biblical duty of the extended family.

“But if someone doesn’t provide for their own family, and especially for a member of their household, they have denied the faith. They are worse than those who have no faith.” 1 Timothy 5:8

That is why Christian families are commanded to take care of orphans.

However, if these children have no extended families, then an orphanage ministry can be set up, with a system of checks and balances to prevent depravation and abuse, and with the following goals: to provide food, shelter, clothing, education, mentoring, health care, and spiritual guidance.

Christian families are biblically commanded to visit these orphans and help them financially and relationally in their upbringing.

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” James 1:27

The Greek word for visit is EPISKEPTOMAI which means to inspect, to go to see, to relieve, to visit. Thus to visit an orphan is to care for them, to protect them by making sure no harm is done to them, to relieve or soothe their needs, and to surround them with new “extended” families with each visit.

If certain families wish to bring in some of these children in their homes to be cared for, it’d be up to those at the orphanage ministry who are caring for them to prayerfully and carefully consider such requests.

Though there are no biblical directives that allow or disallow such a move, the bible in its totality, however, favors the adoption of an orphan by members of the orphan’s extended family or household. Releasing children to the care of total strangers is always a risky proposition, as there are many unscrupulous people and even weirdos out there.

Even Abram/Abraham, when he was childless, was rebuked by God as he was thinking of leaving his inheritance to one who was not of his blood.

“But Abram said, ‘O Lord God, what will you give me, for I continue childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?’ And Abram said, ‘Behold, you have given me no offspring, and a servant in my household will be my heir.’ And behold, the word of the Lord came to him: ‘This man shall not be your heir; your very own son shall be your heir.’ ” Genesis 15: 2-4

People must understand that even if they get to adopt orphaned children, they are not and can never become their “real” parents. Many push these kids to call them “mommy” and “daddy”, which is basically a lie.

In these situations, the worst cases are the children adopted as babies. When they grow up and discover that those they’ve been calling “mommy” and “daddy” their whole lives are not their “real” parents, the majority of them usually become emotionally unstable and launch a search for their biological parents. Such a reaction is quite natural and to be expected; it is one that God intentionally designed in order to draw our attention to the importance He places on blood family.

Even Jesus, as a boy, knew who His real Father was. See how He indirectly rebuked His mother:

“His mother said to Him, ‘Son, why have You treated us this way? Behold, Your father and I have been anxiously looking for You.’ And He said to them, ‘Why is it that you were looking for Me? Did you not know that I had to be in My Father’s house?’ ” Luke 2:48-49

However, many Christians use the following verse as if God had it carved for adoption purposes:

“To redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.” Galatians 4:5

These Christians have a bad habit of taking something God says in one circumstance and arbitrarily applying it to another (like old testament tithing vs church tithing or Ancient Israel vs the modern state of Israel). It’s exactly like comparing apples with oranges.

Just because God adopts all of us Christians into His family is not a general command for Christians to go out there and start adopting left and right. The circumstances that made God “adopt” us are different.

From the very beginning God created all of us to be His own children; but then we rebelled, and sin separated us from Him as we became by our actions subservient children of the Devil.

“But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.” Isaiah 59:2

So God had to “adopt” us back into the fold through the sacrifice of His son Jesus the Christ.

“To all who did receive him (Jesus), who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God…” John 1:12

The word adopt comes from two Latin words: ad (towards) and optare (to choose). Therefore God moved TOWARDS CHOOSING to take us back as His own. The Greek word in the bible for adoption is itself HUITHESIS which means the placing as sons.

As sinners we were misplaced and under the sway of the evil one, but with Christ we have been established once and for all as the Sons of God we were created and predestined to be from the very beginning.

“He predestined us to be placed as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will…” Ephesians 1:5

Further, the way many organizations (some Christian ones included) are pushing the adoption process entices many feeble and financially-challenged parents-to-be to give up their babies (who are not orphans), so they can be adopted by well-to-do folks.

When one adopts a non-orphan child, one forever takes that child away from those who were destined to be his parents.

The mission of these organizations should not be to pull families apart, but to keep them together. That’s why their goals should be:

1) help orphans find their extended families, and care for those with none;

2) support parents and parents-to-be who can’t financially take care of their children.

Unfortunately, many of these organizations or agencies have actually constructed themselves as businesses disguised as non-profits, whose fuel is the wholesale adoption by strangers of newly born babies and toddlers.

An average adoption costs anywhere between $5,000.00 when one does it personally and up to $40,000.00 when an agency is hired. Ergo, most of these agencies are nothing but businesses.

Usually the reason people lean towards letting go of their babies – the preferred option of adoptive parents – is because of dire financial circumstances. So why not use these moneys and help these folks become parents to their offspring as God intended?

More often than not these organizations end up facilitating (willfully or not) the giving up of these young creatures to be adopted by total inconnus. To put it bluntly, they are actually ripping these children from their God-assigned parents.

Instead, if financial help were provided to these individuals, God’s command to care for the poor would be fulfilled, and their despair would instantly be replaced with hope as they would get to keep their children. That way the God of hope would shine through.

“We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.” 2 Corinthians 5:20

To facilitate children to stay with their biological parents or family is the better course of action and the more natural one. However, by making it easy for people to give up their babies, mothers (and fathers) are thus “encouraged” to let go of their own flesh and blood.

“Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter– when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?” Isaiah 58:7

Again, there are circumstances which call for adoption, and if they are not within the bible’s parameters, we can always rely on the Holy Spirit’s guidance to help with such an important decision, while keeping in mind the understanding that the word of God provides.

SURROGACY

Abraham and Hagar

Abraham sends Hagar and Ishmael away

The first surrogate mother in the bible is Hagar. She was the maidservant of Abraham’s wife, Sarah.

When Sarah realized she couldn’t get pregnant she panicked and sent her husband to sleep with Hagar who got pregnant and gave birth to Ishmael. But when Sarah herself got pregnant, she regretted that fateful decision and forced Abraham to send Hagar and her child away.

The other two famous surrogate mothers of the bible are Bilhah and Zilpah, maidservants of Jacob’s wives Rachel and Leah.

When Rachel couldn’t bear children, out of frustration she sent Jacob to sleep with her maidservant Bilhah. To compete with her sister Rachel, Leah, Jacob’s first wife, also sent her maidservant Zilpah to sleep with her husband. The four women ended up giving Jacob twelve sons who later became the twelve tribes of Ancient Israel. See Can a man have many wives?

These surrogate mothers – especially the last two – were used by healthy women who were impatient and could not wait on God. Their frustration proved futile since later on they ended up getting pregnant.

Surrogacy the old fashioned way may be a viable option for women who can never have children (i.e., women whose biological clocks have run out or with birth defects or are sterile for various medical reasons, etc.).

However, the drawbacks in today’s western society can be numerous, especially for the surrogate mother – not to mention the remote possibility of it ever happening. Still, it could happen, and unless the arrangement is legally binding, it may create some nasty surprises.

In other words, it may engender conflicts that not only affect the children themselves, but those who are involved as well. Its negative effects, if materialized, could actually be more widespread than those of adoption since the different mothers may end up hating each other, which would then extend the strife to the fathers and the children they fathered along with their birth mothers.

That is why surrogacy, western style, has become not just a contractual affair, but also a clinical and medical experience that may wind up costing up to $150,000.

Men deposit their sperms which are used to fertilize surrogate mothers’ eggs. These eggs are then implanted inside the wives or inside the surrogate mothers themselves, following legal paperwork.

In the same manner, many single women, and even some married ones with supposedly impotent husbands, also use sperm banks to buy anonymous donors’ sperms in order to fertilize their own eggs.

Such procedures are so impersonal and so detached from basic human behavior and emotions that they usually leave the participants feeling probed, hopeless, and impotent; worse, it leaves the spawned children, who later discover the truth, desperately searching for nondescript fathers or mothers they may never locate.

The psychological, emotional, and spiritual impacts of such procedures leave behind a trail of wounded and lost souls frantically searching for their origins.

CONCLUSION

Adoption and Surrogacy are not solutions the bible dwells on because they are not God’s perfect problem solving methods, though in the very rare occasions they may be, especially when it comes to biblical adoption as previously described.

In general, God’s perfect solution for couples facing either dilemma is faith. God wants us to believe that He is the God of hope who can make the impossible happen, and that is usually why He allows these problems to surface in the first place.

“You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.” Psalm 77:14

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6

He wants us to rely on Him, within the confines of His established and created physiological rules.

For example, a ninety-year old woman cannot expect to ever get pregnant, even though Sarah was around the same age when she got pregnant for Abraham.

There is a difference.

God personally appeared to Abraham and told him that one day Sarah would get pregnant. Now if your wife is 90 years old and you want her or she wants to get pregnant, God had better show up at your doorstep – personally and “physically” – to tell you it will happen, otherwise your faith will be in vain. But if your wife is a healthy thirty-year old who can’t get pregnant, then you’d both better get on your knees and pray and have faith.

Still, the bible does provide solutions for single women who are having difficulty getting married and would like to have children, and for men who want children their wives are neither willing to breed nor capable of giving them. Click here to read it.

” ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the LORD.” Isaiah 55:8

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How Atheists Do God’s Will

C H U R C H   R E F O R M   S E R I E S

By Biblicism Institute

The Rage Against GodThose who say they don’t believe in God, or withhold their commitment to our great Lord in Heaven (the Atheists and the Agnostics or the A-s), do His will every day.

They invariably display a hostile attitude towards such will, even though they allow it to govern their lives.

Consequently, they come off as double-minded and quite unstable in their beliefs.

It’s a mental affliction psychiatrists call dissociative identity disorder.

However, we simply call it foolishness, though it is quite tinged with far more than intellectual hypocrisy.

HOW THEY DO GOD’S WILL

From the very beginning of creation God commanded the following:

“Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” Genesis 1:28

The A-s gladly follow through on God’s commandment as their own multiplication contributes to filling the earth.

They also work for a living and in the process toil in their various fields of expertise in order to subdue the planet.

A great many fish, hunt, and train animals and therefore exercise dominion over the fish, the birds, and every living thing.

The only way for the A-s to be true to their beliefs would be to avoid doing all of the above.

However, there is one big problem. Even if they wanted to be faithful to what they profess, they couldn’t. For one thing, they need to eat or they’ll die. And second, in order to eat they have to work.

But why does life have to be that way?

Because God said so.

“By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food…” Genesis 3:19

“if any would not work, neither should he eat.” 2 Thessalonians 3: 10

Hence they’re caught in a quandary.

To work by “the sweat of one’s brow” is not a choice. It is a necessity that was “imposed” upon us, an exigency that became more than an obligation, a condition of life that simply removed man’s freedom to do as he pleases.

In other words, the work ideal of the Garden of Eden was transformed by God into a difficult and constant fight for survival, and no one, absolutely no one can change that. Those who try to change it end up with terrible afflictions: the poor with homelessness and all its consequences, and the very rich with quirks, addictions, and psychological, spiritual, and/or moral decrepitude.

Further, the desire to pro-create is stronger than anything man or woman can resist. It comes in the form of powerful sexual urges, which God Himself instilled in us for that very purpose, that of making babies.

The AtheistsOf course, the A-s did come up with nifty ways to circumvent pro-creation: condoms, abortion pills, surgical abortion, tubal ligation, vasectomy, etc., not to mention the poor man’s birth control of pulling out before climaxing.

And yet, in spite of all these, we have more people on earth today than at any other time in history. As a matter of fact, world population never decreases, it continually increases decade after decade.

The desire to have children is ingrained in mankind because God spoke it. So, birth control or not, children will pop up all over the place, and that’s because if there’s one thing man can’t shake is God’s commands. They stick like glue, like white on rice… feel free to add your own metaphor. In other words, when God speaks we jump, whether we believe or not or pretend that we don’t.

Another important way the A-s follow God’s commands is through the Judicial System. Throughout the world man’s idea of justice tries to mirror God’s very own because if it didn’t, it wouldn’t be Justice, it’d be Injustice.

“Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow.” Isaiah 1:17

“Justice, and only justice, you shall pursue, that you may live and possess the land which the LORD your God is giving you” Deuteronomy 16:20

” ‘You shall not murder’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ ” Matthew 5:21

Many A-s circumvent God’s ideal of justice by rebelling against it. They kill, steal, and rape when they know they shouldn’t, while their very own rich, powerful, and influential pervert the justice due others to get their way.

From Mao Zedong to Meginstu Haile Mariam, from Kim Il Su to Pol Pot, from Hideki Tojo to Stalin, these A-s killed over 110 million people – not to mention antiquity rulers like Pharaoh and Caesar who actually thought themselves gods and annihilated multitudes.

“All those who hate Me love death.” Proverbs 8:36

Others do it all in the dark, away from prying eyes and ears, because they know that in doing these things they’re in the wrong. Hence their scruple reacts to God’s commands.

“Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.” John 3:20

Everyone is born with a deep-seated and inherent sense of what true justice is, a knowledge that was birthed in our spirit when God spoke it. When we go against it the alarm in our soul rings and causes our conscience to be pricked. While many choose to ignore or deaden said alert doesn’t mean it wasn’t there to begin with.

No true Christian who follows the teachings of Christ would ever harm anyone. If lawbreakers, murderers, and mass murderers – politicians or not – pay lip service to the Lord, it’s just to mask who they really are: A-s pretending to be Christians.

THE A-s WON’T HAVE IT

No GodThe A-s strangely assume that those who believe in God believe in a fairy tale. It’s a postulation they arrogantly consider themselves qualified to make, as if they have mastered the totality of knowledge of life and of the universe – an intellectual hypocrisy they deem to be nowhere near as bad as the supposed fallacy of the believers’ blind faith. Yet, they sanctimoniously use said blind faith in their own God Complex or their Know-it-all Syndrome to appoint themselves as the new gods and unseat the true God whom they pompously declare to be either dead or non-existent. It’s their equivalent of a coup d’état.

Hence they rebuff everything and anything that have to do with the Almighty. They have developed a fantasy – in many cases a hatred – that can only be explained thus:

“The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God.’ ” Psalm 14:1

They actually fool themselves to believe there’s no God by adhering to cockamamy theories like the Theory of Evolution (see how we destroy that nonsense here) and the Big (bada-bing-bada) Bang Theory, which they want humanity to believe are facts when in reality they’re just that, theories (i.e., unproved assumptions or conjectures).

Let’s humor them for a quick moment.

If the A-s‘ ancestors were animals, where do A-s get their sense of justice, morality, and ethics? After all, animals don’t work for a living, they eat each other, and they self, meaning within their own species they sexually jump one another regardless of whether they’re related or not. In other words, why aren’t the A-s more concerned about enforcing these laws of the jungle instead of worrying about true justice, steadfast morality, and staunch ethics as demanded by God? That would be more logical, wouldn’t it? Oh… they are also trying to do those things? Hmm… it’s that dissociative disorder… well, our bad! 🙂

Further, if Big Bangs were capable of creating things, scientists could go in a lab and apply that Big (bada-bing-bada) Bang Theory (on a much smaller scale of course), not only to prove its validity but to watch as new tiny universes and creatures burst into existence. Besides, didn’t Steve Hawking come up with a formula for that nonsense? The M-Theory? So what are they waiting for? They could actually turn its application into a lucrative business. Big-Banged tiny universes teemed with tiny creatures could be sold at Walmart where we’d be the first in line to purchase them. We would rule them with a rod of iron, and if those tiny creatures were to theorize that no one created them, we would teach them a lesson and smite them dead. 😉

Atheism is a religion whether the A-s want to acknowledge it or not. It’s a faith that declares the self to be god and encourages the hatred of the true God and His creation.

FURTHERMORE

There are more ways by which the A-s follow God’s will while their dissociative disorder is in full display.

1. Breathing. They conveniently use the breath that God places in them without even saying, “Thank you, God.” How beastly! See Life, Death and the Afterlife.

“The breath of the Almighty gives me life.” Job 33:4

2. Clothing. They wear clothes when they should be running around naked like animals. Worse, like sinning-Adam they even feel shame and hide when they don’t cover themselves. And how did they come up with that “silly” idea to wear clothes in the first place?

“‘I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid…’ The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.” Genesis 3:10,21

3. Hygiene. Every time they shower, shave, flush the toilet, and wash their clothes they should remember God, but they don’t.

“The one to be cleansed shall then wash his clothes and shave off all his hair and bathe in water and be clean.” Leviticus 14:8

“You shall have a place outside the camp, and you shall go out to it. And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement.” Deuteronomy 23:12,13

4. Exercising charity. Imagine what the world would be like with the laws of the jungle instead of Christian charity. See The Heart Adjustment.

“One who is gracious to a poor man lends to the LORD, And He will repay him for his good deed.” Proverbs 19:17

5. Authoritative system. It brings order where there is chaos. God-given authority replaces the might-make-right rule of the beasts. See Of Authority and Christians.

“For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.” Romans 13:11

6. Marriage between man and woman. God instituted it as the foundation of human civilization, and without it there would be no worthwhile continuation of society. Many A-s use it in their own lives while they simultaneously advocate the antitheses of marriage: free “love” and the abomination that is called homosexual “marriage.” See The Biblical Marriage Blueprint.

“Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease.” Jeremiah 29:6

7. Caring for animals. It was never a liberal atheistic concept. Christian civilization brought about the humane treatment of animals, as opposed to the laws of the jungle that dictate otherwise.

“Whoever is righteous has regard for the life of his beast, but the mercy of the wicked is cruel.” Proverbs 12:10

8. Sound Money. When we as a society (A-s included) made sure money was soundly based on God’s principles of accurate weights and measures, we had stability. But then a group of God-hating, money-loving bunch introduced fiat money or paper money in order to get rich quick. So now it’s all going to hell in a bank basket. See When Money is the Problem.

“The LORD detests dishonest scales, but accurate weights find favor with him.” Proverbs 11:1

9. Succumbing to Diseases. Sooner or later everyone succumbs to sicknesses because everyone (A-s included) at one point or another sins and fails to diligently listen to the voice of the Lord. So whether one believes or not that one is being disobedient to God, the consequences become real anyway. Therefore God’s will is done in every person’s life, atheists and otherwise. See Of Healing and Miracles.

“Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” Psalm 51:5

“If you will diligently listen to the voice of the Lord your God, and do that which is right in his eyes, and give ear to his commandments and keep all his statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you… for I am the Lord, your healer.” Exodus 15:26

10. Succumbing to Death. Say A-s, try and stop this God-appointed bad boy with your God Complex or with a bada-bing-bada-whoops-there-it-is theory. See The Consequences of Sin.

“And the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it.” Ecclesiastes 12:7

CONCLUSION

Jesus knockingWe could go on, but by now we believe you’ve got the gist.

So go ahead A-s, keep doing God’s will. We quite understand when you say you don’t believe or choose not to believe in God. After all, actions speak louder than words. 😉

By the way, while you’re partially implementing His volition, why not acknowledge Him and fully perform His will? Because if you don’t, there will be consequences. See The Consequences of Sin.

Therefore, come full circle and return to your Heavenly Father’s loving arms – you know, the One who actually formed you in your mother’s womb – and become a Christian today. See How to Become a Christian.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 39: 13-16

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Of Fornication, Divorce, And Adultery

C H U R C H   R E F O R M   S E R I E S

By Biblicism Institute

Jesus and the Adulteress 2

Jesus and the Adulteress

Adultery (a consequence of Divorce and Remarriage) and Fornication (a consummation of lust) are distinct in nature. However, both are sexually immoral works of the flesh that preclude one from entering God’s Kingdom.

“Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life and may enter the city by its gates. Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.” Revelation 22:14,15

FORNICATION

It is a sexual sin that is either performed by non-married individuals or by married individuals having affairs. In other words, it is sex outside the bonds of matrimony. Its literal meaning is to play the harlot.

“Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20

If a married person cheats on his/her spouse, it is not adultery. It is fornication.

“And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Matthew 19:9

“It is reported commonly [that there is] fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father’s wife.” 1 Corinthians5: 1

Fornication is not befitting a Christian, no matter how one tries to spin it. See Sex and the Christian.

“Flee fornication.” 1 Corinthians 6: 18

“Now the body [is] not for fornication, but for the Lord…” 1 Corinthians 6:13

“Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” 2 Tim 2: 22

“But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints…” Ephesians 5: 3

There are ways to avoid fornication.

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it].” 1 Corinthians 10: 13

Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” Colossians 3: 5

“Nevertheless, [to avoid] fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” 1 Corinthians 7: 2

Fornication is not only forbidden, it is a sin that excludes those under its sway from any inheritance in God’s Kingdom. If you are under its spell, whether you’re a “Christian” or not, you better repent now and sin no more before death catches up with you.

“Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.” Jude 1: 7

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” 1 Corinthians 6: 9, 10

DIVORCE

When Jesus was asked a question on divorce (the context), this was His answer:

“Haven’t you read, Jesus replied, that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19: 4-6

The “male and female” verse Jesus was referring to was this one:

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27

But what does that verse really mean?

It means that there is a duality inherent in God, Father and Son. Therefore, God created that same duality in mankind, male and female. That duality is itself God’s image in mankind.

“Then God said, ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness…’ ” Genesis 1:26

So God made them male and female, a duality that mimics God’s own duality of Father and Son.

“I and the Father are one.” John 10:30

See The Trinity Doctrine is not in the Bible for an in-depth exposé.

The resulting process of creating mankind male and female had more to do with reproducing the image of the duality inherent in God rather than with marriage. However, like Jesus pointed out, marriage does bring the two together as one. That’s why God hates divorce.

” ‘For I hate divorce,’ says the LORD.” Malachi 2:16

Divorce is a terrible act that does violence to the union of male and female, who are both made in the dual image of the one God. Divorcing one’s spouse is tantamount to trying to severe God the Father from God the Son.

” ‘The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord God, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the LORD Almighty.” Malachi 2:16

A man and a woman become one flesh upon marrying. When they divorce they spit on the covenant they made before God, as they attempt a vicious act to rip that one flesh apart.

“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Mark 10: 9

Consequently, because of their blatant disregard, neither one can marry again – unless the woman committed fornication, which then would allow the husband to wed anew.

“And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Matthew 19:9

In God’s eyes divorce causes one to forfeit the privilege of marrying again, because it belittles the seriousness that God imbued the marital covenant with.

ADULTERY

Adultery is a by-product of Divorce and Remarriage. When a divorcé/divorcée has casual sex, that’s fornication. However, when he/she remarries, he/she commits adultery.

Furthermore, a non-divorcé who marries a divorcée ends up committing adultery because he’s marrying someone’s wife, even if she’s an ex.

“And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.” Mark 10:12

“And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Matthew 19:9

“Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from [her] husband committeth adultery.” Luke 16: 18

“But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Matthew 5:32

However, we couldn’t find a bible verse that describes a non-divorcée of committing adultery if she were to marry a divorcé, and that’s because a divorced man, upon marrying another woman, commits adultery only against his (ex-)wife.

“And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.” Mark 10:11

Jesus and the Adulteress

Jesus and the Adulteress

Shunning adultery is one of the 11 commandments.

“Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Exodus 20: 14

In the Old Testament when a man married another man’s (ex-)wife it was adultery as well, a sin that carried the death penalty.

“If a man divorces his wife and she goes from him and becomes another man’s wife, will he return to her? Would not that land be greatly polluted?” Jeremiah 3:1

“And the man that committeth adultery with [another] man’s wife, [even he] that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.” Leviticus 20: 10

Consequently, even when a man divorces his wife, she’s still his wife in God’s eyes.

“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Mark 10: 9

A Christian husband cannot contemplate divorce unless his wife commits fornication.

“And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Matthew 19:9

Nevertheless, we scoured the bible trying to find a verse that allows a wife to divorce her husband if he commits fornication and couldn’t find one. The reasons there aren’t any are:

1) biblically, a man can have more than one wife; (Read Can A Man Have Many Wives?)

“If a man has two wives…” Deuteronomy 21:15

2) the husband is the head of the wife, so God apportions the husband some leeway, especially if in the end he also takes as his wife the woman he’s committing fornication with;

“For the husband is the head of the wife…” Ephesians 5: 23

But such leeway is by no stretch a carte blanche void of consequences. As the helpmate the wife needs to do her level best to help her husband do the right thing.

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:6

If she can’t handle it and decides to divorce him, this is the Lord’s command according to the Apostle Paul:

“A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7: 10, 11

The only time a woman can remarry is when her husband or ex-husband dies.

“A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7: 39

However, there are those who say that the bible allows believers to divorce their unbelieving spouses. But the Apostle Paul clearly stated, in 1 Corinthians 7, that it was his opinion and not the Lord’s command.

12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

It is quite obvious that the Apostle Paul was mostly leaning toward the spouses staying together rather than divorcing one another. And even if divorce were to occur, the following scenarios (which could apply to any couple really) would kick in:

I. The wife leaves her husband.

a) He does not want her to leave and refuses divorce. Still, she leaves and forces a divorce upon him which he does not respond to, truly does not want, and wholeheartedly does not agree with. The divorce materializes anyway by legal default. She then finds another man whom she commits fornication with, or remarries and commits adultery. Upon such fait accompli, the believing husband is now free to remarry as per biblical laws.

However, even if the wife never commits fornication or adultery after said divorce, the husband can marry again because he is not the one who put her away.

“And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife…” Matthew 19:9

We think (because there’s no direct biblical directive) that it is quite possible that if such a man, because of dire circumstances, has to legally work on and sign divorce papers in order to protect concerns and belongings he’s worked for his whole life, that God could still allow that man to marry again, but such a man would have to really have his heart right (i.e., wholeheartedly not wanting the divorce and/or trying hard to reconcile with his wife). It goes without saying that, in said particular circumstance, such a man must really seek the Lord’s face.

“The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

b) If the husband willingly and wholeheartedly grants his wife a divorce, the husband cannot remarry or have an affair, otherwise he will commit adultery or fornication.

“And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Matthew 19:9

II. The husband leaves his wife.

The wife would never be able to remarry unless her ex dies.

“…let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7: 11

“A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7: 39

By law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man.” Romans 7:2,3

Releasing oneself from a bad marriage to an unbelieving spouse is not a blanket permission to get remarried. The Apostle Paul (not the Lord) only stipulated it as a condition to get out of bondage. He never implied or indicated that a person who divorces could remarry against biblical laws. If that person could, he definitely would have mentioned it because the laws against adultery are very clear.

Further, many believe that if a divorcé/divorcée was not a Christian when he/she got divorced, once he/she becomes a Christian he/she can remarry because salvation makes everything new. Sadly there are no verses in the bible to back that theory. It is also an egregious act of adding to God’s words.

“Do not add to His words, or He will rebuke you and prove you a liar.” Proverbs 30:6

If you were married prior to becoming a Christian, you are still married when you become one. Ditto for divorce. Nothing can change or expunge that.

Otherwise, it’s like saying for instance that if a single, non-Christian teenage girl becomes pregnant and then turns to the Lord, she can expect her pregnancy to “miraculously” vanish because she’s now born again and thus everything has become new. Or better yet, if a murderer turns Christian, he can anticipate those he killed to “miraculously” rise from the dead because he’s surrendered his life to the Lord and thus everything has become new.

Sorry, but the salvation in Christ that makes everything new doesn’t work that way.

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

How do new things come when one becomes a Christian?

“Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.” Ephesians 4:28

Things become new by living a life that is totally different than the one prior to salvation. Therefore, one’s actions as a Christian (i.e., following God’s laws) prove one’s salvation.

“As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.” James 2:26

“Whoever says ‘I know him’ but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected.”  1 John 2:4

Salvation in Christ purges one’s soul of sins, but not of their temporal or earthly consequences. See The Consequences of Sin

“Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law.” 1 John 3:4

A true Christian must accept the consequences of his/her actions, even the aftermath of those that took place prior to becoming saved. In so doing, he/she denies himself/herself and carries his/her cross for the Lord.

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” Matthew 6:24

That’s why, even when saved, one of the consequences of sin is hardship.

“By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food…” Genesis 3:19

“There is no soundness in my flesh because of your indignation; there is no health in my bones because of my sin.” Psalm 38: 3

“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children.” Hebrews 12:7

The laws are for the believer to use properly, and for the unbeliever and lawbreaker to stand condemned.

“We know that the law is good if one uses it properly. We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine that conforms to the gospel concerning the glory of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.” 1 Timothy 1: 8-11

Such air-tight laws are because God hates evil, and adultery is as such to Him. Therefore, to help prevent adultery He has thus made it almost impossible for a marriage to be dissolved.

“…you hate all evildoers.” Psalm 5:5

” ‘For I hate divorce,’ says the LORD.” Malachi 2:16

And you can bet that God’s hate is probably as strong as His love – okay, maybe not as strong since He gave us Jesus, but pretty strong – and that’s why marriage should not be rushed into without a clear understanding of what it entails, or without knowing how to avoid falling for the wrong person. See The Biblical Marriage Blueprint.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2: 24

Unless true repentance occurs, adultery not only destroys the soul, it also guarantees eternal damnation.

“… go and sin no more.” John 8: 11

“But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.” Proverbs 6: 32

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” 1 Corinthians 6: 9, 10

If you are already in the grip of adultery, wisdom, courage, and strength from the Holy Spirit will be fundamental, especially if you’re in a situation where you’re married to someone’s (ex-)wife and children were born from such a union.

Repentance towards all implicated parties is a good first step. Then, here’s what Jesus commanded if one were ever bitten by adultery’s venomous fangs:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say unto you, that whosoever looks upon someone’s wife to set his heart upon her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” Matthew 5:28-30

Therefore, the Lord did command that any and all adulterous relationships ought to be cut off; one of the parts of your body (i.e., your current “wife” who’s actually someone else’s wife and who became one with you, as in the two shall become one flesh) need to be cut off in order to purge evil.

“Fear the LORD and shun evil.” Proverbs 3: 7

As such, Jesus did away with the Old Testament laws which demanded that adulterers (and fornicators who destroyed marriages) be executed.

“Both the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.” Leviticus 20: 10

“If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death. You must purge the evil from among you.” Deuteronomy 22: 22-24

Now, instead of the death penalty, they get a chance to repent, sin no more, and cut off their unlawful relationships as the new way of purging evil, because evil still needs to be expurgated before facing God on judgment day.

“If you love me, keep my commands.” John 14:15

“Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” James 1:22

“For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified.” Romans 2:13

However, children born out of said entanglements are not to be neglected.

“But if someone doesn’t provide for their own family, and especially for a member of their household, they have denied the faith. They are worse than those who have no faith.” 1 Timothy 5:8

CONCLUSION

Fornication and adultery are the works of the flesh.

“Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are [these]; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the Kingdom of God.” Galatians 5: 19 – 21

Therefore, ask yourself one simple question: would you want to risk your eternal destiny just because you want to have sex or just because you want to remarry?

“…fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Hebrews 13:4

“For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.” Romans 8: 13

If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for my sake, you will find it.” Matthew 10:39

Children born as a result of fornication and adultery are not guilty of any crime.

“The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. The righteousness of the righteous will be credited to them, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against them.” Ezekiel 18: 20

When it comes to fornication, remember the old saying: “Flies spread disease – keep yours zipped.” And the nastiest disease fornication spreads is that of a warped soul. So, to get your mind off sex, find a way of escape by keeping yourself occupied: evangelism, helping the poor, a second job, prayer and fasting, etc. See Understanding the Duties of Ministry. However, if you really can’t get your mind off it, then get married. See The Biblical Marriage Blueprint.

And when it comes to divorce/adultery, remember also that other saying: “It’s cheaper to keep her.” That goes for your wallet (divorce) as well as your soul (adultery).

So be wise.

“Work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” Philippians 2:12


ADDENDUM

Explaining Matthew 5:28

Matthew 5:28

Popular Translation:

“But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” KJV Version

Biblicism Institute Correction (in bold color):

“But I say unto you, that whosoever looks upon someone’s wife to set his heart upon her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Comment:

In the popular translation, the Greek word gune that is translated as woman really means a woman who is married or wife. In this instance someone’s wife or even an ex-wife, since an ex-wife is still her husband’s wife in God’s eyes.

“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Mark 10: 9

The Greek word epithumeo that is translated as lust after has even a more powerful meaning: set one’s heart upon. Remember, Jesus looks at the heart.

“The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

In Matthew 5: 28 Jesus was referring to someone’s (ex-)wife, just like the woman caught in adultery in John 8:3 was someone’s (ex-)wife who married another man, and Jesus told her to “go and sin no more. (John 8:11)”

Remember, adultery is the by-product of Divorce and Remarriage.

“And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Matthew 19:9

When a man sets his heart upon someone’s (ex-)wife, Jesus already sees it as the foundational act which will cause that man to marry such a woman, hence that man is already in the throes of adultery.

Thus in Matthew 5:28 Jesus was really reiterating Matthew 19:9 in a more profound way, so profound that He said right after:

“If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” Matthew 5:29-30

That stark command was Jesus’s other way of saying “go and sin no more” (by cutting off the relationship), because those who are guilty of adultery will not enter the kingdom of God.

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” 1 Corinthians 6: 9, 10

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The Biblical Marriage Blueprint

Heavenly Father Knows Best
C H U R C H   R E F O R M   S E R I E S

By Biblicism Institute

Marriage is so important that God uses it to describe His own love and affection for the world.

“Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.” Revelation 19: 7

It is also the only institution God cares about.

“The only institution which God loves.” Malachi 2:11

Furthermore, God hates divorce: See Of Fornication, Divorce and Adultery

” ‘For I hate divorce,’ says the LORD.” Malachi 2:16

Therefore since marriage is so important, wouldn’t it make sense that God would establish a commandment and a blueprint on how to go about getting married?

Of course.

Find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters.” Jeremiah 29:6

Find wives for your sons… is God’s commandment. People in the modern Western world don’t like to hear that proposition, even though it is a system that used to be the norm once upon a time, and is still in vogue today in many other cultures.

But let’s believe God anyway and follow His trail or blueprint.

HOW GOD THE FATHER FOUND BRIDES FOR HIS 2 SONS

God the father had 2 sons: Adam (Luke 3:38) and Jesus. How did He get them wives?

He made one for Adam, someone who would be helpful to him.

“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.'” Genesis 2:18

The Spiritual Bride of Christ is composed of all believers. And who gave those believers to Jesus? His Father.

“While I was with them, I kept them in your name, those you have given me. I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost except the son of destruction, that the Scripture might be fulfilled.” John 17:12

But how does Jesus get helped in such a situation?

“So that He might present the assembly to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” Ephesians 5: 27

Therefore, as Christ’s betrothed, our selfless and spotless conduct here on earth helps glorify our spiritual husband.

HOW ABRAHAM THE FATHER OF FAITH FOUND A WIFE FOR HIS SON

“He said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, ‘Put your hand under my thigh. I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac.’” Genesis 24: 2-4

This is quite interesting.

Abraham couldn’t go himself, given that he was well advanced in age and incapable of making the trip. Now the obvious question should be, why didn’t he send his son Isaac to get himself a wife? Why Eliezer, the senior servant? (Let’s keep in mind that in those days senior really meant senior and elder really meant elder.)

The answer is simple.

An older man is usually wiser and more temperate, whereas a younger man who is personally looking for a wife, more often than not, gets caught into various traps: the female’s outer beauty above all else, pernicious fathers-in-law, raging hormones, family quarrel, etc.

And the main reason younger men usually fall into those traps is because they’re not as wise and experienced as older men. Plus the fact that they are emotionally invested does not help matters – they can’t really think straight. Ask Jacob, Moses, David, or Solomon.

All these men found themselves entangled in major complications once they chose wives for themselves. Usually such ramifications have a way of destroying marriages, individuals, families, or a combination thereof.

Notice also how Eliezer had to go to a place where Abraham knew the people. You don’t just pick a stranger out of the blues to marry your son, especially one with ungodly customs. That’s a recipe for disaster.

Once there, Eliezer found Rebekah. Beside the obvious fact that she was not a Canaanite (i.e., she was not worshiping false gods, which all Canaanites did at the time), she had something only an older and wiser man would recognize.

Rebekah and Eliezer at the well

Rebekah displays kindness to Eliezer.

Here’s what Eliezer prayed for.

“When I came to the spring today, I said, ‘Lord, God of my master Abraham, if you will, please grant success to the journey on which I have come. See, I am standing beside this spring. If a young woman comes out to draw water and I say to her, ‘Please let me drink a little water from your jar,’ and if she says to me, ‘Drink, and I’ll draw water for your camels too,’ let her be the one the Lord has chosen for my master’s son.’ ” Genesis 24: 42-44

He didn’t pray for some magic trick or enchantment to materialize. He prayed for someone who’d be kind and helpful. He knew that to find Isaac a wife was to find him a helpmate.

Now contrast this with how swank Jacob got tangled up.

“While he was still talking with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep, for she was a shepherd. When Jacob saw Rachel daughter of his uncle Laban, and Laban’s sheep, he went over and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered his uncle’s sheep. Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud.” Genesis 29: 9-11

Typical single man’s behavior, is it not? Spot a beautiful girl, get smitten, woe her by acting all chivalrous, kiss her, go home, and cry until your parents are forced to accept the one you chose.

But if an older man had gone instead of Jacob, he would have picked kind and helpful Leah, and not beautifully curvy and wily Rachel.

“Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful.” Genesis 29:17

Leah was the one who was right for Jacob, but Jacob couldn’t see it. God chose Jacob and Leah’s offspring, Judah, to be the great-great-granddaddy of our Savior Jesus, who with his life showed us kindness and mercy. Rachel and her strange idols almost got herself and Jacob killed. God was the one who intervened by warning Laban the Aramean in a dream (Genesis 31:24).

“Jacob answered Laban, ‘I was afraid, because I thought you would take your daughters away from me by force. But if you find anyone who has your gods, that person shall not live. In the presence of our relatives, see for yourself whether there is anything of yours here with me; and if so, take it.’ Now Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen the gods.” Genesis 31:31-32

After the right girl is found, what then is the next step?

Her father must be in agreement because it takes a man to know another man. In this instance, Bethuel is Rebekah’s father. And the two most important things a girl’s father wants to know are 1) if the groom is a godly man, and 2) how his daughter and soon-to-be-born grandchildren will be taken care of.

Here’s how Eliezer in his wisdom framed the prospective groom before he was even asked. He wrapped him under the only covering that mattered: Isaac’s father and authority, Abraham, the guarantor of the proposal who could not be present.

The Lord has blessed my master abundantly, and he has become wealthy. He has given him sheep and cattle, silver and gold, male and female servants, and camels and donkeys.” Genesis 24:35

“I praised the Lord, the God of my master Abraham...” Genesis 24: 48

Once these main concerns are alleviated, the girl’s father can either accept or reject the proposal.

“Laban and Bethuel answered, ‘This is from the Lord; we can say nothing to you one way or the other. Here is Rebekah; take her and go, and let her become the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has directed.’” Genesis 24: 50-51

Now that the girl’s father is in agreement, the girl is asked for her consent.

So they called Rebekah and asked her, ‘Will you go with this man?’ ‘I will go,’ she said.” Genesis 24: 58

Notice how Laban, Rebekah’s brother, was also involved in the decision-making process. A brother is next in line in case dad is deceased, incapacitated, or too old to see straight.

But also contrast how that same Laban later on would play Jacob like a fiddle, when his green-behind-the-ears nephew showed up on his own for his particular proposal regarding Rachel. Laban tricked him into marrying both his daughters, and in the process squeezed 14 years of free labor out of the poor sod. See Can a Man have Many Wives?

That’s what “love at first sight” and “raging hormones” get you – a lesson loaded with complications you never forget. Life is not a feel-good romantic movie. There are rules, young man.

THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE AND TODAY’S REALITY

Marriage is God and mankind (man and woman) working together to fill the earth with godly people.

“Did He not make them one… and why one? That He might seek a godly offspring.” Malachi 2:15

Happy MarriageIt is the foundation upon which children are to be raised. God would not even allow His own Son to be brought up outside its protective walls.

“But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, ‘Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.'” Matthew 1:20

In the modern western world, marriage has been so romanticized that it has lost its primary purpose. In fact, it has become a maudlin project where one seeks to fall in love with a so-called soul mate. Unfortunately, there’s no such thing as “the one.”

Marriage was always meant to be the union of man and woman for the purpose of procreation (i.e., marriage is about making babies). But for procreation to materialize many things must first align, including the right spouse and the appropriate financial conditions. Once these things are in place, marriage can happen with babies immediately following.

“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them…” Psalm 127:4,5

However, many married couples today wait years and years before they have children. It seems that as a society we have completely sidestepped the fact that woman was created to be a nurturer, and if that void is not filled she will fall into either depression or unhappiness, which could then lead to marital problems and subsequently to divorce.

“She shall be saved in childbearing – if she continues in faith, love, and holiness with propriety.” 1 Timothy 2:15

It is estimated that over 50% of couples who get married end up divorcing, a sad indictment against the romantics.

If romantic love were a true marital anchor, then divorce would not occur. The premarital “love” that is often experienced is either an emotional attachment or an intense sexual attraction, and in many cases a deluded obsession. Such a “feeling” is not a prerequisite to get married.  When the purpose of marriage is properly understood, those who decide to marry realize that their goal is to start a family that soon will involve children.  As for the emotional attachment that is mistaken for love, it’ll surely grow over time. Love is neither a feeling nor a shallow emotional connection or attraction. To love is to do what is right even when it doesn’t feel good. See The Heart Adjustment.

Without a good financial foundation, the true purpose of marriage will fall into disarray. Even a cursory study would show that most marriages today cannot afford many children as once was the norm.

As a matter of fact, a great number of them cannot even afford two or three children. Others refuse to even consider the possibility of any child whatsoever.

Many women wait until their biological clocks almost run out before having children, a costly mistake that takes a toll on their bodies and often on the newborns themselves.

When Mary, the mother of Jesus, was impregnated by the Holy Spirit, she was about fifteen years old. And the man she ended up marrying, Joseph, was anywhere between forty and fifty. The reasoning in those days was that a woman in her teens was a fertile ground for children, while a man of Joseph’s age was mature and financially stable.

The next time a sixteen-year old boy comes to date your fifteen-year old daughter, just ask yourself (or them) these questions:

– What does he really want from my daughter?

– What does my daughter really want from him?

The answers to these questions will make you realize that neither can give the other what each truly wants. She desires marriage and children, while he most likely wants to satisfy his urges; something he could forcibly or easily steal from her, which in turn would leave her miserable and wounded. At least, that’s what happens in the majority of these cases. After all, a sixteen-year old boy is not ready for marriage. He would say so himself. However, ask any fifteen-year old girl if she’s ready for marriage, and her honest answer would unequivocally be, “Yes.”

Marriage entails personal and financial sacrifices that many today – whether young or old – are neither willing nor are prepared to make. See The Family is God’s Plan.

THE BIBLICAL MARRIAGE BLUEPRINT IN A NUTSHELL

Or How To Find A Wife For Your Son

1. What only matters in the Groom.

That he is a reputable, godly, and hard-working man from a good family, with the means to provide for his household.

“But if someone doesn’t provide for their own family…They are worse than those who have no faith.” 1 Timothy 5:8

“Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:28

“Urge the young men to be sensible; in all things be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say.” Titus 2:6-8

2. What only matters in the Bride.

That she is a reputable, godly, and kind woman from a good family, with a sincere inclination to help her husband. See Of Nagging Women and Angry Men

“As the assembly submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:24

“Wives, respect and obey your husbands…” 1 Peter 3: 1

“Encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, homemakers, kind, obedient to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” Titus 2:4,5

“Your adornment must not be merely external– braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.” 1 Peter 3: 3-5

Proverbs 31: 10-31

3. Fathers of the Groom and Bride are heavily involved.

The children’s participation are not necessarily excluded. Fathers are the ones who stand at the forefront in order to protect their children’s interests. They are their kids’ marital agents.

The last major duty of a father is to make sure that the children God entrusted him with are married to spouses God approves of. One of the ways children honor their parents is by allowing them to fulfill that duty, and in so doing recognizing their God-given authority and all the years of sacrifice they went through to get them to that point.

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Ephesians 6:1

4. Paternal blessings on both sides are primordial.

They are the only blessings that matter. They are to be heartfelt, not coerced or manipulated.

“Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you.” Deuteronomy 5:16

The state has nothing to say. Religious “leaders” have nothing to say. These two entities have usurped some of the God-given parental authority concerning the marriage process.

In fact, the entire marriage “ceremony” is just rehearsed theater. Neither a government permission nor a “church service” and/or counseling is needed to create a biblical union, especially as there is no verse in the bible that bestows on a “preacher” or a judge the right to perform said ceremony. The head of every man – in this instance every father – is Christ alone and not a preacher/church nor any local/state/federal official.

“But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:3

Fathers are the ones whom God appointed as His representatives to oversee, authorize, and perform the entire process (with elder brothers next in line).

“Thus says the Lord of hosts: Because you have obeyed the command of Jonadab your father and kept all his precepts and done all that he commanded you, therefore thus says the Lord of hosts: Jonadab the son of Rechab shall never lack a man to stand before me.” Jeremiah 35:18,19

So go ahead fathers, YOU marry your children. Then throw a party if you wish.

“And Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast.” Genesis 29:22

5. The conjugal night.

The couple’s first sexual encounter, which leads to the woman’s hymen getting pierced, is the final act of the process and the true seal of the biblical marriage covenant. See Sex and the Christian.

CONCLUSION

Biblical Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman, who join as one for the purpose of making children, with God-assigned authorities, the parents on both sides, agreeing to the union of their children.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31

“And why one? That He might seek a godly offspring.” Malachi 2:15

For those who can’t have or don’t want children, God made the marriage covenant available as well whereby they can satiate their sexual desires, even though in their case staying single while exercising abstinence is the better option.

“It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But since sexual immorality is so rampant, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:1,2

Marriage is the only institution which God loves, and for which He established a certain process.

“The only institution which God loves.” Malachi 2:11

However, there will be those rare situations where such a systematic routine will be impossible to enforce in whole or in part. In those instances that deviate from established biblical norms, it’s up to every Christian to listen to the voice of His Lord. After all, each individual will give an account of himself to God.

“Each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” Romans 14:12

That’s why the Holy Spirit has been given to us. He’s the Helper who guides each and everyone into all truths. Let Him help.

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears…” John 16:13

Note in the margin: In today’s world we think that either a marriage “license” or a legally-binding contract (prenup or otherwise) should not be discounted, given that either one can protect the parties involved. However, neither should be understood as a state-granted permission, but only as an agreed-upon article of fact that is registered through a third party for the protection of all. It may not necessarily be a biblical marriage mandate, but it may very well be inspired wisdom that falls under the purview of parental rights for the protection of their offspring. Your call.


ADDENDUM 1

Dating Traps

Dating causes your emotions to get all wrapped up in a person who may not be right for you; and even when you know they’re not right, time and/or desperation often cause you to become addicted to them.

Worse still, many give away their sexuality, some their virginity, only to get nothing positive in return. After desires are satiated and contempt is brought on by familiarity, they break up. Then the painful withdrawal process tees off as tangled emotions ferociously and pitilessly unravel – a needless situation that could have easily been avoided.

In addition, people put their best faces forward when dating; so if marriage materializes you have to get to know them all over again, because it seems you don’t recognize them.

When looking for a spouse, keep these 3 succinct points in mind.

1. Don’t consider divorcés/divorcées (unless it’s a divorcé who divorced his wife because of her fornication). It’s not only a sin, but  a commonsensical point as well (i.e., if he/she divorced once, he/she could divorce again). There are plenty of fish in the sea, so look for those with no baggage.

2. Guys, don’t get involved with women who have kids, they’re usually looking for a financial anchor. These women will always put their kids ahead of you, and you will never be their kids’ fathers. Besides, why do some other guy’s job for him? Again, there are plenty of fish in the sea, so ignore the Hollywood propaganda that depicts stepfathers trying to surpass their stepkids’ real fathers by proving how much better they can be to them. It’s all bull biscuit geared toward social reengineering.

And you ladies with kids, if you find yourselves separated from your kids’ fathers, do not bring other men into the picture, as they will likely butt heads with your sons, possibly eye your daughters, and even take you for a ride financially – once more, pay no heed to the Hollywood propaganda. However, single non-divorced women can consider widowers with kids, since women have a maternal instinct that can be transferred to kids not their own, as opposed to men trying to do the same as stepfathers. Fathers are a whole different ball of wax. The bible tells us so.

“The glory of children is their fathers.” Proverbs 17:6

3. There’s no such thing as “the one.” The purpose of marriage is to start a family that soon will involve children (i.e., marriage is about making babies). So the only query that matters is this: Is he/she father/mother material from a respectable family?

Then, instead of dating, follow God’s blueprint.


ADDENDUM 2

The Way Of Love (PG) is a great movie that delineates godly love and marriage. A courtesy of Cinetent International. Enjoy!

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Sex And The Christian

C H U R C H   R E F O R M   S E R I E S

By Biblicism Institute

Gustav Klimt - The KissFrom the very beginning God intended sex to be special.

It is connected to marriage and must only happen within its confines. See The Biblical Marriage Blueprint.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31

But man in his rebellious streak seems intent on using it his own way.

SEX: GOD’S WAY

Sex is God’s idea. He has his reasons for it.

1. It is a spiritual act above all else.

“Now Adam knew Eve his wife.” Genesis 4:1

It is the act of knowing. The Hebrew word is Yada. It is used in a great variety of senses: observation, care, recognition, instruction, designation, punishment, acknowledgement, and myriad others. It thus encompasses the whole being.

Man gets to know his Bride by creating a bond. A bond that truly binds. A bond that is the fusion of man and woman. In other words, woman is reattached to man from whom she was taken.

“The rib which the Lord God had taken out of man, He made into a woman.” Genesis 2:22

Thus man becomes aligned with another part of himself.

“She is your companion and your wife by covenant.” Malachi 2:14

When a man knows his wife, it is a covenantal act. As with all covenants blood is involved. Blood is spilled when the woman’s hymen is pierced.

That blood-drenched punctured hymen is the true seal of the marriage covenant. God crafted the hymen for that very purpose, otherwise there would be no need for it.

If the union between man and woman is severed, one’s own Body is severed; and God is not well pleased. See Of Fornication, Divorce and Adultery

” ‘For I hate divorce,’ says the LORD.” Malachi 2:16

That very union is:

“The only institution which God loves.” Malachi 2:11

The union of man and woman is at the very center of God’s plan for humanity. It is an institution that points to the Lord Jesus Himself and to the New Covenant in His blood, when His body was pierced on the cross.

The church assembly is not a man-made religious institution. It is the Body of Christ, the Bride of Christ. Jesus and His Saints form a spiritual institution which God loves. They are fused together as one through the fire of the Holy Spirit. That’s why He will never leave nor forsake His spiritual bride (Deuteronomy 31:6).

2. It is for procreation.

The reason sex is a spiritual act is because its primary purpose within the marriage covenant is to produce children.

“Now Adam knew his wife and she conceived and bore Cain.” Genesis 4:1

Man and woman become one because God is working together with them to replenish the earth with godly people.

“And why one? That He might seek a godly offspring.” Malachi 2:15

Without godliness the world would be intolerable.

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.” Matthew 5:13

Godliness is the only hope mankind has to restore balance in a topsy-turvy world. Godly people must produce godly offspring.

3. It is for man and wife to find pleasure in each other.

When a husband and his wife find pleasure in each other, opportunities for fight and quarrel become scarce, thereby creating a stable environment for child-rearing. See Of Nagging Women and Angry Men.

“You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.” Song of Solomon 4:12

“Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.” Proverbs 5: 18,19

Pleasure is part of knowing one’s spouse; therefore, withholding pleasure is not an act of love.

“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:5

SEX: MAN’S PERVERSION

Sex feels good because God is quite intent on having men and their wives produce children. Therefore He made sex a pleasurable experience, His way of encouraging them to copulate.

However, mankind has perverted the entire sex paradigm.

They fornicate outside the marriage parameter only to experience the selfish pleasure of it. They further debase it by having same-sex partners gratifying  each other, thus moving even further away from producing children. And finally they bend sexuality itself by morphing men into women and women into men or transgenderism.

The whole idea of this systematic perversion is to spit on God and His plan for humanity. By bastardizing sexuality, God’s enemies hope to thwart God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 9:7).

In addition, by debasing it with homosexuality and transgenderism they mean to say, “Hey God, you did not create us in your image, we can find greater pleasure outside your commands.”

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27

“For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.” Romans 1:26-27

What they fail to realize is that man is not god, and therefore cannot make his own rules. In the end, those who break God’s commands will pay dearly for it. See The Consequences of Sin.

“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Galatians 5: 19-21

Venery needs the curb and not the spur. Immoral, unnatural, and inordinate sexual desires are to be turned off and conquered. In other words, sin can be overcome.

Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.” Colossians 3: 5,6

CONCLUSION

Sex is one of God’s ways of blessing man and woman. In turn, man and woman become a blessing to the world through their offspring. See The Family is God’s Plan.

“Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord.” Psalm 127:3

Everything in God’s creation has been perverted by sinful man, sex included. Therefore it is our duty as Christians to make sure that all under heaven is brought back to godly alignment, especially in our own lives as an example to all.


ADDENDUM 1

Preemptive Question And Answer

The following question will certainly arise: what of the covenantal blood of a non-virgin, non-divorced woman who wishes to marry?

The answer is simple.

The man she hopes to marry can either forgive her and allow Christ’s blood to cover and replace hers, or he could opt to marry a virgin. Ultimately the decision is his, not ours to make.

We are only drafting what God intended when He designed sex within the marriage covenant. In situations that deviate from established biblical norms, it’s up to every Christian to listen to the voice of His Lord.

After all, each individual will give an account to God for his actions and words. That’s why the Holy Spirit has been given to us. He’s the Helper who guides each and everyone into all truths. Let him help.

“Each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” Romans 14:12


ADDENDUM 2

To Love A Woman (PG-13) is a great movie that contrasts Sex and True Love. A courtesy of Cinetent International. Enjoy!

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